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Coastguard rescue officers and firefighters from Suffolk and Norfolk …

10:43 05 March 2016

By MARK BOGGIS1

Coastguard Rescue Officers And Firefighters From Suffolk And Norfolk ...

A man and his pet dog were rescued from their stranded boat by Lowestoft and Southwold Coastguard Rescue Teams and firefighters from Suffolk and Norfolk. Picture: HM Coastguard Lowestoft and Southwold.

Archant

A man and his pet dog, who were stranded on a boat after it suffered engine failure, have been rescued by Lowestoft and Southwold Coastguard Rescue Teams and firefighters from Suffolk and Norfolk.

Emergency services were called out at about 2.22am this morning (Saturday) following reports of a vessel drifting on the River Waveney between Beccles and Geldeston.

HM Coastguard rescue officers from Lowestoft and Southwold were alerted, along with firefighters from Beccles and fire crews with boat units from Lowestoft and Carrow.

A spokesman for Lowestoft and Southwold Coastguard Rescue Teams said: We were alerted by Humber Coastguard, along with Norfolk Fire and Rescue and Suffolk Fire and Rescue, to reports of a vessel drifting in the river between Beccles and Geldeston.

After completing a search the vessel was located under the Beccles road bridge.

With six coastguard officers working with a Norfolk fire crew with boat unit from Carrow, a fire crew from Beccles as well as an appliance, Water Incident Vehicle, Rescue Vehicle and Unimog from Lowestoft South, the vessel was recovered in the Puddingmoor area and safely secured to a mooring.

There was one man on board who along with his dog were both unharmed but cold, the spokesman for the coastguard rescue teams said.

The vessel had suffered engine failure which is what caused it to drift from south of Geldeston to Beccles.

A spokesman for Suffolk fire brigade said that crews managed to recover the person and their boat to the shore by 3.45am, with all fire crews back at their home stations by 4.22am.

References

  1. ^ By MARK BOGGIS (www.lowestoftjournal.co.uk)

Eccles is saved: Praying to be declared a "hate crime"

Following the news that the distinguished atheist Richard Dawkins has suffered a mild stroke (fear not, he will soon recover, and the only after-effects will be an inability to speak coherently, so no change there)… following this news, the Church of England, together with other organizations, has encouraged people to pray for Richard and his family (Romana, K9 the dog, and his hive of honey-bearing bees). The main argument from the Christian perspective is that Richard needs a bit more time to get his act together before going to meet his Maker, so let’s give it to him.

Eccles Is Saved: Praying To Be Declared A "hate Crime"

The arch-troll of Canterbury, deliberately offending atheists.

However, supporters of Dawkins have accused such Christians of trolling, and it is clear that the only way this situation can be resolved is if praying for atheists is declared to be a “hate crime”.

Police will be given the powers to raid private homes and confiscate laptops in the search for prayer lists and other evidence of “hate prayers”.

Already it is considered culturally insensitive to wish people “Happy Christmas”, rather than “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”, and those of my readers who annually send Richard Dawkins a card saying “May you have a Holy and Blessed Christmas you silly old goat” should stop that sort of thing.

Personally, I welcome prayers from Christians. If people with less refined beliefs wish to pray to stone idols, sacred donkeys or Prince Philip, then I promise not to be offended.

Eccles Is Saved: Praying To Be Declared A "hate Crime"

“O Prince Philip, bless thy servant Dawkins, we pray!”

In other news, it has been revealed that a genuine Christian, Dan Walker, has been appointed to host the BBC’s prestigious breakfast show Get off the sofa, you lazy slob, and go to work.

This is a controversial appointment since not only is it virtually certain that Mr Walker is guilty of hate crime (praying) in his spare time, but also, since he is a Christian, he must believe that snakes can talk, that wine-making is done by pouring water into large pots, and that the blind can be cured by having mud rubbed into their eyes. No doubt also he believes in the great Sky Fairy, which no intelligent person has ever done – well, except for Shakespeare, Newton, Leonardo da Vinci, Beethoven, Tolkien, …

oh make your own list.

Eccles Is Saved: Praying To Be Declared A "hate Crime"

Clear off!

We want someone impartial like Stephen Fry!

Eccles is saved: Pope Francis agrees to forgive Jesus

In his homily for the Feast of the Holy Family, Pope Francis had this to say1:

Instead of returning home with his family, he stayed in Jerusalem, in the Temple, causing great distress to Mary and Joseph who were unable to find him. For this little “escapade”, Jesus probably had to beg forgiveness of his parents. The Gospel doesn’t say this, but I believe that we can presume it.

Eccles Is Saved: Pope Francis Agrees To Forgive Jesus

“Now, about your Guardian articles, Father Fraser…”

Clearly Pope Francis has forgiven Our Lord for “going about His Father’s business”, and in this Year of Mercy it is only right that a truly humble Pope should point out God’s sins and try to forgive them.

No previous Pope has even dared to try.

Another famous sin that only Pope Francis can forgive was the drowning of the Gerasene (or Gadarene) Swine. You will recall that there was a man possessed by demons – probably he led a fulfilling lifestyle as an alternative comedian on Radio 4, with a huge Twitter following – and his demons were driven out into the pigs, and thence into the sea.

Eccles Is Saved: Pope Francis Agrees To Forgive Jesus

Jesus cureth the alternative comedian.

For a long time after, Farmer Giles wondered what had happened to his pigs, but did he receive any apology – let alone compensation – from Jesus? I think not.

It is time for Pope Francis, on behalf of the entire Catholic Church, to forgive Jesus’s thoughtless actions.

On another occasion Jesus drove people out of the Temple with a whip of knotted cords – whenever anyone says “What would Jesus do?” this is certainly an answer I like to give.

The Bible says the people were selling pigeons and changing money, but it is likely that they were also doing even more heinous things.

Eccles Is Saved: Pope Francis Agrees To Forgive Jesus

“Luckily he hasn’t seen that we’re also selling copies of the Tablet!”

Jesus was obliged to apologise for losing his temper in this way.

In the immortal words of Pope Francis: The Gospel doesn’t say this, but I believe that we can presume it.

Having, in his short reign, attacked the entire Catholic Church, from the Curia downwards, Pope Francis is naturally anxious to reconstruct God in his own image, and we look forward to reading more stories of the Holy Father mercifully forgiving God’s sins over the next few months.

References

  1. ^ this to say (en.radiovaticana.va)

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Eccles is saved: Pope Francis agrees to forgive Jesus